Tina Belcher: Queen of ‘Butts’, disappointing puberty and lovelorn madness. Her quotes empower women and teach them to love with a full heart, accept their flaws and believe in their beauty.
Love, while being as complex as calculus, is as intoxicating as a good barrel of crispy French wine. When your heart goes on a ride, take it on a ride worth remembering. Tina Belcher is a true example of the insanity that follows through.
Here are the stages of falling in love with which we are far too familiar, explained through our spirit animal, TINA BELCHER!
You notice him sitting in his usual corner in the classroom during your usual bird-watching sessions when the teacher is yapping away and you couldn’t be less interested. “He looks cute in that white shirt and blue jeans. He definitely worked out during the summer break. Let’s wait for him to get up.” And then, as though your heart signaled him, he looks at you and your eyes meet for the 1st time in ever. Your mind goes blank, the spine freezes and your palms get sweaty. Tina Belcher serenades in your head and throws you in a daze.
He must have been planning on pinning you all summer too. The suggestive winks and emojis on Instagram were quite indicative of his interest in you. It’s time for you to act on it and you know it all too well! But the world stops in its demeanor, your knees start to go weak and the teacher’s speech gets incoherent and slurries as he slowly makes his way towards your desk. You must think fast and think witty.
You must give all them girls a good run for their money. In an attempt to floor your Beau, however, things go down and funnily so. If only we listened to Tina Belcher, it would have saved us from eternal emotional damnation.
The realization that things are moving fast and it’s time to milk the cow. Err, figuratively. It’s a do or ‘lose-everything-forever-and-plan-on-a-countryside-dwelling-away-from-all-the-fine-creatures-of-God’ situation. You muster up that last hanging ounce of courage you have in you and ask that one question which may either be a win or a total fail. “ May I have your digits?”
After that, it’s either this:
*ping ping ping* Your phone is bursting with messages from Yours ‘Hopefully’ Truly and the phone screen has never been more celebratory with confetti and parade. He has been throwing questions at you and you’ve been feeling fly like a G6! You can’t contain the excitement bubbling inside of you and you’re looking forward to college each day of your life. EVEN WEEKENDS. EVEN MONDAYS.
Good times over good beer
After days of setting yourself up, he finally caves in and asks you out on a real-world date. Enough with the Skype dates, already. Take me out on a shopping spree and treat me like the burger flippin’ princess I am! Also, time for flaunting your status in public. It’s a relationship one-up! You end up having a great time together and the 100 snaps-Snapstory holds testimony to your good day. Pat yourself on the back; you did well! No embarrassing blurt-outs, terrifying reveal or cringe-y food habits.
His sexy half-smile, ruffled hair and graphic hoodies (which will soon become yours, duh) give you sleepless nights and endless desires to be with him each waking moment of your life. It’s a dream come true for you and you can’t contain your excitement. Nothing in the world can ruin your happiness anymore, for as long as he is with you, everything will be A-OKAY. The stars are yours to pluck from the sky and the night is as poetic as your Beau’s romantic creations for you.
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